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Sacrament: Reconciliation

FORGIVENESS IS HARD. The hurt of offense or injury churns in my memory and calls forth resentment and bitterness from my heart. These feelings of hostility make me want to take revenge and be anything but forgiving toward the one who hurt me.

I know I have to forgive. But you know what? I don’t have to forgive. I can instead carry the hurt, hold a grudge, nurse the resentment. I can burden myself with the bad chemistry that rises up in my body every time I see the unforgiven person or remember the unforgiven offense.

And as it turns out, NOT forgiving is even harder than forgiving. It’s a daily reminder of things and people that hurt me. It calls forth from me the person I don’t want to be. Given time and the daily rehearsal of the grievance in my mind, the ill will in me can eventually evolve into hatred. And hatred is the hardest of all to bear.

Here’s the problem: Forgiveness lies at the center of our Christian faith. We profess belief in the forgiveness of sins every time we recite the Apostles Creed in the Rosary or the Nicene Creed at Mass.

In the Eucharist we eat and drink the living flesh and blood of our forgiveness. The chalice of Christ’s blood is poured out for us “for the forgiveness of sins.” The Lamb of God take away the sins of the world. There’s a lot of forgiveness happening.

In the Eucharist we eat and drink the living flesh and blood of our forgiveness. The chalice of Christ’s blood is poured out for us “for the forgiveness of sins.” The Lamb of God take away the sins of the world. There’s a lot of forgiveness happening.

That means there’s a lot of forgiveness in me because I am a sinner just like you. And that forgiveness is just aching to get out to forgive the sins of the world. So if I hold it in, I’m blocking that living push in me to forgive. And that puts me in an awkward position.

When we’re absolved in Confession, the priest says that the Father of mercies has “sent the Holy Spirit among us for the forgiveness of sins.” So Christ in me, who from the cross begged forgiveness for his accusers, his betrayer, his tormentors, his torturers, those who condemned him, the crowd who shouted “Crucify him!”, the soldiers who crowned him with thorns, tore off his robe, flogged him, hammered nails into his hands and feet and drove a spear into his side, lives in me FORGIVING! And I’m not going to FORGIVE??

You can see how that would put me in conflict with the Holy Spirit, the giver of life in me. This would not be good. If my relationship with God, the very foundation of my being and the source of my life, is essentially conflict, then what’s the rest of my life like?

Psychologists tell us that we project onto others what’s inside us. So we wonder where all the conflict comes from in our relationships. We fight and argue with our spouses, our children, our parents, our in-laws, our siblings, our coworkers, our friends and neighbors. People tell me all the time. “I get so mad,” people say. “And I don’t know why!” Why!?! Because when it comes to forgiveness we are basically in conflict with God. The Lord is forgiving and we’re not.

What are we to do? The same thing we always have to do: REPENT. That simply means to CHANGE YOUR MIND. You say you can’t forgive? I say you can. You CAN do ALL THINGS through Christ who strengthens you. What we need to do is practice what we believe. It’s like the guy lost in New York who asked a passerby, who happened to be a concert musician, “How do I get to Carnegie Hall?” The musician answered, “Practice, practice, practice.”

Forgiveness takes practice. It’s like learning to play the saxophone. When you first try to play, it sounds terrible. But you keep at it and practice every day and pretty soon you can play a little song. Stay with it and maybe in a year or so you’re having fun; you’re rockin’ and rollin’. Keep practicing and some day you’re Stan Getz or Kenny G!

It’s the same way with forgiveness. Practice each day. Start off small. Forgive the little stuff: the people in the super market who block the aisle. Say in your heart, “I forgive you.” The guy who cuts you off on the highway: “I forgive you.” The co-worker who snaps his gum: “I forgive you.” Work your way up to the big hurts. Practice every day, “I forgive you” to the one who’s hardest to forgive. Even when it sounds phony, say it. Even when you don’t feel it, say it. Forgiveness isn’t a feeling; it’s a belief. Practice, practice, practice.

Forgiving people changes everything. It calms you down. It brings you peace. It takes away your anger. Try it and you’ll see what I mean.