Occasion: Commemoration of All the Faithful Departed (All Souls’ Day)

Today we remember those whom we have known and loved and have gone before us, those who nourished us, loved us, and in some way have made us who we are today. Even with their faults and failings, we loved them and their passing has left an emptiness in our homes and in our hearts. Take a moment now in silence and one by one bring their memory into your consciousness. (Allow some time for silence.) Today say a prayer of gratitude for them because in their goodness, and even in their idiosyncrasies, they have been a blessing for us. They are our “cloud of witnesses,” as Saint Paul calls them. They are our personal saints. And somehow in the mystery of God’s love they are not lost to us, only separated for a short time. We simply come to know them in a different way.

I watched a dear friend care for her husband as his illness grew worse. Finally, the last two weeks, he was hospitalized. It is such an incredible journey, an awesome privilege to accompany someone who is dying. His wife and five sons visited during the day and they rotated spending the night at the hospital. One day, as I entered the room, the patient in the next bed grabbed my sleeve and said, “All I see here is love walking by.” Yes, how true! Twenty years have passed; slowly the space created by his absence has healed. There have been holidays, graduations, weddings, and grandchildren and he has always been present; first in tears, now in stories and laughter, and always in prayers.

Today we may also remember people we did not meet on this earth. Perhaps from reading, Thomas Merton or Teilhard de Chardin has become a special friend. For me it’s my maternal grandmother who died long before I was born. I came to know her only through the stories my mother told. I came to appreciate her courage, perseverance, and compassion. Though we have met only in prayer, I have this sense that she is on the other side of the veil, rooting for me. I feel certain that she will greet me when my time comes. Is this only the product of a wild imagination? Perhaps! But then again we proclaim our belief in the communion of saints—both the living and the dead—one family in Christ Jesus.

Inevitably, remembering those who have died brings up the mystery of our own mortality. We live in a death-denying culture. “Use this and you’ll live longer,” the ads tell us, or at least you’ll look 20 years younger. Yet dying people often shift their priorities. They seem to cherish each day. They find joy in simple things.

Inevitably, remembering those who have died brings up the mystery of our own mortality. We live in a death-denying culture. “Use this and you’ll live longer,” the ads tell us, or at least you’ll look 20 years younger. Yet dying people often shift their priorities. They seem to cherish each day. They find joy in simple things.

Many years ago I heard Henri Nouwen speak about the spiritual life and he told a story about his own brush with death. If I remember correctly, he had been in an accident and was not expected to live. During a long recovery, Nouwen came to understand that forgiveness was the most important thing. He made it a point to ask forgiveness of people he thought he had offended. He let go of the anger and resentment he had toward people who had hurt him.

If this is a way to die, it is also a way to live. Jesus not only recommended forgiveness but made it crystal clear in his conversation with Saint Peter: Forgive not seven times but 70 times seven. Jesus also makes the point in teaching us to pray. “Forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us.” That’s a mouthful if you are holding onto anger and resentment. For years I struggled with that part of the prayer because in my heart I held a grudge, or two or three. I certainly didn’t want God to treat me as I was treating others.

It’s so human to want revenge, and it easily becomes a habit. Is there a way out? Yes, and it’s so simple and yet so profound: Ask for the grace to forgive and let go. Just ask! God’s grace allows us to live in freedom; free from the “eye for an eye” mentality; free to live in peace; free to love not only others but ourselves, too.

It reminds me of the Prayer of St. Francis:

It is in giving that we receive;
It is in pardoning that we are pardoned
And it is in dying that we are born to eternal life.